Because I had never had a surgery prior Monday, I felt the anxiety rising in my body. Several friends had shared their c-section stories. It always seemed so easy and routine, however, now it was my body they were cutting open, and they were my babies, they were pulling out. There are so many protocols that go with surgery that just didn’t excite me…an IV, catheter, cuffs on my legs, drinking a bitter florescent looking liquid, a spinal block. My biggest fear, however, was wondering how I would react to seeing another lifeless infant. This was an image I have worked to delete from my brain for the past 9 months. Never in a million years would I have expected to see this again. What would it be like hearing one baby announce her arrival while the other had no voice?
Thankfully, God gave me a sense of peace and bravery during the surgery. I felt calm and all the things I worried about hours before had disappeared. I will forever feel grateful for all of the people who were praying for us. As they rolled me out of surgery, I noticed a room full of friends who had been holding a small prayer vigil for us. What a feeling of comfort. They laughed when I smiled and waved and I rolled by. I was just trying to figure out who they were J.
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